Friday, June 4, 2010

35. Secrets, sleepovers, and potential heartbreak

Cayden was planning a trip to NYC in October with his roommate Drew.
"But maybe I could take a few extra days off to come see you in Texas," Cayden said to me when we were talking on Facebook chat.
I thought about what it would be like to see him again. I thought about the night of the base running and felt my cheeks grow hot. I thought about that connection we had at the bar, on my roof, in my bed. It was something I didn't have with Brady or Addam. With Brady, it was like we were best friends until right when we got under the covers. The sex was fun. When we were done, we rolled over and went to sleep, back to best friends. It was actually quite perfect. The only thing that could make it more perfect was if he bought a new set of sheets because for some reason his had a gaping hole in the middle near the bottom. Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night with my feet twisted and tangled in the fitted sheet and I'd kick my legs, not caring if I dead-legged Brady in his sleep, until I freed myself of the death trap. Then I'd consider punching him for not buying new sheets.
With Addam the sex was incredible, but it only happened three times. He'd cuddle me afterward, and when I'd roll over to go to sleep he'd always keep one hand or one foot on me. I loved it. He could be so affectionate when he wanted to be. I'd never cared about anyone the way I cared about Addam, so sex with him was like nothing I'd had before. But we still didn't connect the way Cayden and I did. I could talk to Cayden about anything, but with Addam there were rules. He was a very private, very guarded person, so there was a list of things I wasn't allowed to tell my friends and family about him, the main one being that we met online. I didn't exactly want to broadcast that to the world either, but I didn't mind if my closest friends and family knew the truth.
Here's a prime example:
One night we were sleeping at his place, and he woke me up in the middle of the night.
"What??" I don't take well to being woken up.
"You're snoring so loud!" he said, while cracking up. Yeah, I admit it, if I have a stuffy nose, I snore. I'm only human.
"I was not! Leave me alone." Not only had he woken me up, but now he was laughing at me and accusing me of snoring like an old man?
He was still laughing.
"Babe, don't be mad. It's funny!"
"No, it's not! Snoring is NOT cute."
He put his hand on my back as I turned away from him.
"Babe, not everything you do has to be cute."
"Go to sleep."
The next morning he was still cracking up about it, mostly because I'd gotten so mad at him.
"Oh man, Whitney, it was so funny! I might have to go apologize to my neighbors! I bet the people in Haiti thought round two was coming!"
Oh yeah, he got a real kick out of it.
Later that day I met my parents for lunch at my favorite Chinese restaurant.
"How's Addam?" My mom asked.
"Oh, he got a real kick out of my snoring last night."
My parents cracked up as I told them the story. Apparently it wasn't only funny to Addam. Later a Haiti Aftershock news alert was on TV and my dad said, "Whitney! Come look! Look what you did!" He cracked up. I just shook my head, thinking "Men."
That night I told Addam how hard my dad laughed.
"What!? You told your parents about that?"
"Calm down. What's your problem?"
"They know you slept over here?"
He was pissed.
"Um, yeah. I'm 24 years old and you're 26. We're not little kids, you know."
"Oh my god, I can never look your dad in the eye again."
"Oh get over yourself! I didn't say, 'Hey dad, Addam rocked my world last night.' You're being ridiculous."
He was in a bad mood the rest of the night. Every 30 minutes he'd chime in with, "I can't believe you told your parents."
The more Cayden and I talked about him coming in October, the more excited we both got.
He was shocked at how cheap Texas is compared to London. He started sending me links to giant houses in Texas, 5 bedroom houses with sprawling pools for $500,000. He'd send the link and say, "Look how cheap that is!" Cheap? Half a million dollars was NOT cheap, but if he thought so, I didn't want to burst his bubble. He had his little British heart set on moving to New York City once he finished his MBA, but every once in a while he'd send me links to business consulting jobs in Texas, saying, "Look how perfect this job is. This is exactly what I want!" He started talking about how he could move to a different city, maybe one in Texas, and use that as a stepping stone to get to NYC. He loved everything about New York. He'd been there twice and decided it was the greatest city in the world. I begged to differ. Sure, there were things about it that I loved, but give me a car, sunshine, and a swimming pool, and I'm happy.
Thinking about seeing Cayden again helped me get Addam off my mind. When I'd be driving around town, I'd picture him in the passenger seat, his eyes peeled on the landscape as he tried to take in Texas. He'd send me links of the skyline of the city I lived in, and he'd say, "It's not New York, but it doesn't look too bad in this picture!"
In the back of my head, I kept telling myself not to get my hopes up, because he'd probably bail anyway.

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