34. The Brady Bunch

Brady took me out for sushi and drinks, the perfect get-my-mind-off-this-drama recipe. The sushi was delicious and the drinks were strong.
"Do you mind if my neighbor TJ meets up with us?" He asked after reading a text message that was probably from said TJ.
"The more the merrier! Tell him to come!" Any friend of Brady's was a friend of mine.
"Actually TJ is a girl. She's my lesbian neighbor, but she just broke up with her girlfriend of five years. They still live together, how awkward is that?"
And I thought I had drama.
"Pretty damn awkward. Sounds like she could use a drink. Tell her to meet up with us."
"It's so weird. It's like, I know she's lesbian, but sometimes she says things to me that don't sound all that lesbian," Brady with a suggestive smile. I just shrugged, thinking that if she was a fan of doing the dirty with another woman's no-no parts for five years, she was probably pretty lesbian.
I don't know what I expected, but the girl who walked up to our table 20 minutes later didn't look anything like the lesbian neighbor I had pictured. She was thin with dirty blonde wavy hair and green eyes. She was, to put it bluntly, hot. She was sweet and new-agey and was all into reading my aura.
"You are exerting a lot of very positive energy. I can tell you have a good soul," she said as she held my hand and rubbed my inner arm with her other hand.
My aura felt molested.
I got a text from Addam.
"Do you have any vacation days left?'
He knew I had saved my vacation days to go on trips with him before we broke up.
"Why?"
"I want to fly you here to meet my family. Will you come? This weekend?"
My world started spinning and I gripped the table to make it stop. He wanted me to meet his family? We had talked about that a while ago, before the whole break up, but I was pretty sure that was all moot now. He was leaving for Iraq in a week. I didn't know what to say. If I met his family, then I'd be obligated to stay with him while he went off to Iraq. But at the same time, hearing that he wanted me to meet them, made me want to meet them. I wanted to lie in his bed with him at his grandma's and listen to him talk about his hometown.
I stood up from the table.
"I need a drink. Anyone need anything?" I asked.
"I'm coming with you!" TJ said as she grabbed my hand, "But can we go to the bathroom first?"
We walked to the bathroom with our fingers entwined. Once we stepped in the bathroom she turned to me.
"OK, so I know you're one of Brady's best friends. So I have to ask you, do you think I have a chance with him? I mean, I've liked men before, I was even married once. But for some reason I just get good vibes from him. Do I have your approval?"
Nothing was making sense that day. Addam wanted me to fly to Michigan to meet his family and Brady's sometimes-lesbian neighbor wanted to bang him? What made her think I wasn't out on a date with him? I wasn't, but still.
"Uh, sure. I doubt he'd turn you down. Go for it. I'm sleeping over there tonight, but yall can have the bed." She didn't even flinch when I told her I'd already planned on sleeping over.
"Thanks! This is great! He just has such good energy!" She said as she finally let go of me and walked into the stall. Her new-age bullshit was doing a tap dance on my last nerve.
I grabbed my phone and sent Brady a text.
"TJ wants your nuts. I'll take the couch."
I assumed he'd get a kick out of it. And I really didn't mind taking the couch. I'm sure he'd fantasized about his hot lesbian neighbor so often that reading that text message alone might make him blow his load. I didn't want to interfere with that dream. Besides, I had bigger problems to deal with.
We stopped by the bar for drinks and made it back to the patio table where Brady was waiting. I chugged my rum and diet and went back for another, while TJ and Brady read each other's energies or whatever it is chiropractors and massage therapists do while they're drinking.
My phone rang. It was Addam. I downed my new rum and diet, stepped away from the table to answer it.
"Hey, you didn't answer me, will you come visit me?"
"Addam, I don't know. I mean, I can't just skip out on work like that."
"You have vacation days. Use them."
"It's too last-minute. I have to get approval way ahead of time to use those days." Which was true, but also an excuse.
"Then call in sick."
"Addam, I can't do that."
"You can't, or you won't?"
I suddenly realized how buzzed I was. I probably shouldn't have answered the phone.
"I can't use my vacation days, and I won't call in sick. This is all just crazy. I can't meet your family! You know how much I like you, but we can't do this. If I couldn't even stand two weeks apart from you while you figured your life out, how am I supposed to handle a year?"
This is where the whole phone call went downhill. He said if I liked him and cared about him as much as I did, I'd make an effort. I said I cared about him, but couldn't get over how he treated me before, therefore couldn't commit to him. Back and forth we yelled until I was in tears. Yes, drunk on the patio at a bar crying like a toddler. I'm guessing the alcohol had a lot to do with that.
At some point, Brady realized I was upset and came over to offer some comforting words.
"Whitney, please don't cry. I would never pick TJ over you. You're my best friend and you know I'd never do that. I'm sleeping with you tonight, not TJ."
I let the phone drop away from my ear as I tried to process what Brady was saying. After a full 10 seconds I figured it out. Brady thought I was crying because TJ wanted to jump his bones. It was sweet of him to say those things, but I wasn't phased one way or the other. If he wanted to sleep with TJ, I'd probably high-five him and say, "GET IT!" Because, really, how often does a guy get to sleep with a sexy lesbian?
I tried to tell him I was fine, don't worry about me, go sit down, and finally he retreated.
Then I realized Addam had heard the whole thing. I dreaded putting the phone back up to my ear. I thought about "accidently" hanging up. My arm moved in slow motion as I lifted my phone.
"Um, what's going on??"
He sounded angry.
"Nothing, it's nothing. I'm out with Brady and he thought I was crying about something else."
I tried to remember exactly what Brady had said to figure out how bad it sounded to Addam.
"Wow. Sounds like you're busy. I'll let you go."
And he hung up.
I had no idea how I was going to talk my way out of that one. But then I realized, I didn't need to.
I went back to the table with red eyes and a tear-streaked face.
"I don't want to talk about it. Just get me a drink."
----
Later that night I found myself on the couch, leaning up against Brady's chest, with his arm around me. On the other side of me, TJ, leaning against me, stroking my arm.
What the fuck?
That was how threesomes start. I've watched enough Nip/Tuck to know that. How did I get into this situation. TJ started biting my arm. I stopped to think about it. All girls have some kind of lesbian experience at some point in their life, right? I've never even made out with a girl, but I think all of my other girlfriends have. Is this like a rite of passage or something? Should I go with the flow here? I thought about Brady and how excited he must be. His hot lesbian neighbor AND his friend with benefits at the same time? I looked at her with her teeth and lips enclosed on my arm. It could be worse, right? At least she was hot.
No, no, no. What was I thinking? The thought of kissing TJ made my stomach churn, not in the good way. Her hand was on my leg and started sliding up. How was I going to get out of this?
I shot a look at Brady that said, "HOLY SHIT. MISSION ABORT! GET ME OUT OF HERE."
"Hey, TJ, why don't I walk you home. It's getting pretty late," Brady said, jumping into action.
Thank god he knew me well enough to know what my looks meant. I knew I was crushing Brady's dream, but I adored him more for understanding I wasn't comfortable, and for ending the situation as soon as he sensed I didn't feel right. Brady really was a good friend. Any other guy would have been like, "Deal with it, this is my fantasy and you're in it. Don't fuck it up." But not Brady.
And luckily for me, Brady wasn't prude anymore.
Looking up at him completely naked with my legs thrown over his shoulders, my hands on his chest, keeping with the rhythm, I was completely grateful for my beneficial friend Brady. I wasn't thinking about Cayden. I wasn't thinking about Addam. And I sure as hell wasn't thinking about TJ (although I'm not sure I can say the same for Brady). I was only thinking about me, Brady, and the leg-shaking orgasms that put me to sleep with a smile on my face.
--
I wasn't smiling the next morning when I woke up with bite-mark bruises along my right arm from TJ, or the matching bruises along my left arm and shoulder from Brady. Bitches.

26. Fact Checking

I'm leaving for London a week from Tuesday. A lot of you have been asking if I'll have you caught up by then, and I assure you, I will :) Oh, and thanks a TON for reading!

--

Halloween came and went and my favorite holidays were just around the corner. It's weird how much growing up changes your perspective on things like family get togethers. We've always been close, but the older I get, the more I appreciate the times we're all back together, under the same roof, eating and drinking the nights away. Holidays at my house are always filled with booze, laughs, and five-too-many dessert options. I wanted Cayden to be a part of it. I wanted him to sit at the dinner table with my family and turn bright red laughing about whatever inappropriate subject was broached. I wanted him there to play drinking games with us and our friends after dessert. I started thinking about Christmas, all of the Christmas parties, the Christmas music, the twinkle lights. By far my favorite holiday. I wanted nothing more than to share that with him.

But I knew I couldn't. I had to find a way to get over that.

---

We were working on the February issue at work. My assignment was to write a story about what Internet dating site was best for you, based on what you were looking for, and what your dating personality was like. Readers would follow a decision tree to lead them to one of five sites. In doing my research, I was clicking around to see what kind of people are on the site, what compatibility tests are included and things like that. (Did you know there's a dating site that matches you up based on your DNA??) Anyway, I was clicking around on the site that I planned on recommending for my cheapskate readers. It was 100 percent free, so I assumed it was full of freaks. But browsing through the members, I saw something that caught my eye. It was only a thumbnail picture, but that was all I needed to tell this guy was beautiful. I clicked on the picture and opened his profile. He was two years older than me, and he'd just moved to my city to work as an air traffic controller at a nearby airport. He had dark brown hair and brown eyes, and the cutest smile I'd ever seen. Perfectly straight teeth, and the cutest dimples. He had an open-mouth smile in his photo, and he was dressed up in a dark button up shirt and black pants. He had a little-boy face, yet at the same time he was sexy. I smiled at his smile. Then I stopped myself. What am I doing? I'm supposed to be researching, not browsing for men! On the other hand, maybe I should do some more thorough fact checking before I recommend the site to our mag readers... No, that's just ridiculous. I created a profile. As much as I'd like to say that was necessary for my story, it wasn't. I went back to his profile to read the whole thing, inspect if for signs of crazy. Why else would such a gorgeous guy be on an Internet dating site? By the looks of his picture, he could walk into any bar and leave with any girl he wanted. But then again, I knew if I'd been at that bar, he wouldn't have given me the time of day. He looked like the type of guy who went for petite blonde girls. I was neither blonde nor petite. So I figured he was probably a douchebag, trying to see how many girls he could meet online and sleep with. Well, there's only one way to find out.

I winked at him.

13. Copy and Paste

"Thanks for thinking of me! Of course, I'd love to hear more about the position. Let me know what the first step is in applying. My current resume is attached. Thanks!
-Whitney"

Then I sent an email to Cayden explaining the whole situation. This is his response:
"Whitney, that's absolutely fantastic news about the offer of a job, I'm really pleased for you. You've got a huge decision to make now, a nice situation to be in though, haha. Upsides are that you would be close to your family and friends who you obviously miss, it's a higher position, it'll pay more and allow you to save, you'll get free travel to places, and it's a fun magazine, which is what you've always wanted. The downside is that you won't have that New York experience for much longer and you'll leave your friends that you've made there. I think it's definitely worth saying that you're interested and asking more about it. Once you've got all of the facts you'll be able to make a more informed decision.
I'll try and give you some advice after almost a decade of working in different jobs in different places. In most of the jobs I've done, I've liked them to start off with, but after a while that novelty wears off after about a year. Only now am I in a job that I don't hate but that's my first one out of about 8, so if a dream job comes up, I would seriously think hard about taking it. If you stayed in New York, you might want a different challenge eventually but it's whether or not there will be any more around when you come to looking. The place where you live is important, too. I lived in Cyprus with beaches etc for 3 years, but after a while I stopped liking it and had to move back home.
Only you can make the decision Whitney, and you've got to go with what you feel is right, but whatever you decide, have no regrets because that'll just wear you down. You're obviously talented and whatever you choose to do, you'll do just fine in both.
I'm a completely different person to you when it comes to family, and also prefer living in a city, so for me, i'd probably see what the company is offering, then mention to your current company that, as much as you like being there, you've had a great offer nearer to home. If they really want you, they'll pay you more or promote you.
For you though, if I'm honest, I think you should take the job in Texas. I don't know you too well, although it feels like I do haha, but one thing I do know is that you love your family very much and your friends too. If you can be around those AND have pretty much your dream job then I think you'd pretty much have nothing to feel down about in life. Not a bad situation to be in. On top of that, for that editor to get in touch with you directly, they obviously really value you and that's what you don't always get in a workplace.

Your experiences in New York will have a huge impact on your life. I think the biggest experience you'll learn from it is not to kick the ass of an English guy in a bar, when he doesn't live in the same country as you, haha.

-Cayden"


Yes, this is an actual email from Cayden, copy and pasted (with his permission of course), and yes this is how long our three-times-a-day emails were, if not longer.

12. Positions

He picked the dates. December 3-13. He was going to come see me for a full ten days. At the same time, I was toying with the idea of flying to London to surprise him for his birthday. His birthday is September 11th, and mine is the 28th. I knew he was having a big party for his birthday that weekend. So Every once in a while I'd take a break from work to look up flights. One day in August I found a flight to London on his birthday weekend for only $432. I almost hit "purchase," but then I had these thoughts: What if he had a girl up there, and she'd be at his party? Or what if he was going to have an ex there? Or what if he thought I was out of my freaking mind for showing up at his door uninvited. That last one is the real reason I didn't click "purchase." Well, that and the fact that Suzanne and Mac tried to convince me that I'd end up in a body bag or something. Just pessimists. Cayden was about to book his flight to NYC for that December trip when I got an interesting email in my inbox.

"Hey Whitney,
Any chance you're still interested in that assistant editor position? A position just opened up, and I know I told you I'd keep you in mind! Let me know right away if you're interested."

It was from an editor at a magazine in Texas. I had applied for the position last November, during a bout of homesickness. My family is in Texas, and I couldn't stand that I was missing birthdays and holidays because I couldn't afford to fly home. Back in November I did two phone interviews, critiqued the magazine, and completed an edit test. It came down to me and one other person. They offered it to the other person because she was local. Or at least that's what he told me. I was more than bummed, because I fell in love with the magazine. It was fun, witty, everything my current health magazine wasn't. There weren't many magazines in Texas, much less many good magazines, so I really had my heart set on it. I recovered from that rejection and got comfortable in NYC. But now this?
I thought about the pros. Aside from the fact that it's a more entertaining magazine, it's also near home. It's in a city with MUCH cheaper cost of living, so I could actually afford to travel if I wanted to. I'd be 3 hours from my brother, who was away at college. I'd be 3 hours from my younger sister, 30 minutes from my older sister, and 45 minutes from my parents. A lot of my college friends moved to that area. I've always wanted to love my job, and I think I'd love it there.
But then I thought of the cons. It's not NYC. I'd miss the crazy culture. I'd miss the subway (it's always such a bitch to friend a DD). I'd miss the beautiful buildings and my beautiful rooftop. Not to mention, I'd miss my NYC friends. I loved them. But, it could be career suicide. Once you leave the NYC magazine circle, you can't get back in. So if things didn't work out in Texas, I'd be screwed. And lastly, Cayden loves NYC, and wants to come visit me there, specifically.
I hit reply.