Sunday, February 13, 2011

Your Stories: A Change of Heart

Hey Whitney!!!

This is kind of long, but, i have to tell you a backgound so you can understand why is amazing.

I finally have the time to sit down and write down my love story, ´cause i have been wanting to write you sinse i started to read your blog, which was from about September... i guess. well before I tell you my story, i just want you to know that I'm a huge follower (blog twitter, fb), but lately i got stuck behind 'cause I'm studying like crazy for son exams to become a lawyer here, in Guatemala (that's why i have no good spelling or whatever you call grammar), and i barely can breathe, also work as an attorney assistant (i guess this is how you call someone who does a lot of things ) and i have no plans to stop working and that exam believe is hard, and then my friends, family and now boyfriend...
Your blog change my life, your story made me believe in love and i thank you so much for sharing this with some people that you don´t know.

This is my story:

When I was fifteen, i fell for a guy my age, and thanks to a cousin, he talk to me, one day, after being chatting for hours, he ask me to be his girlfriend, and of course i said yes, the only thing was that the very next day, he was watching my cousin (another one), the same way that a guy in love looks a girl... my world came to and end, yes, he liked her a lot, he told me that, but i was so stupid that i did not say something, since i was having a huge struggle with me, i was not ready to talk and send him to hell, so i waited a few days and dumped him, his reaction... - oh, ok, bye.

That day i hated myself for being so ugly, i my tough ts became my enemies, and friends at the same time, the next years i have the worst teenage years, i was bullied because i was to chubby, ugly and people could manipulate me the way they wanted, then i went to study to this new school and hoped for everything to change... but no, i just got a little bit worse, ´cause i fell in love with another guy that just play with my feelings, one day he just talk to me, and started looking for me, and said cute things, and one day i found he had a girlfriend... yes, again, someone play with my feelings, and with the crappy self estime that i had, me just destroyed what was left of me. So , i decided to not feel anymore, i was not good enough for no one, so i have only two choices, either be with some jerk who would treat me like crap, or be with someone who i did not like, just to avoid loneliness, and neither option i was going to take, so I decided to be alone, just hang out with my friends (which i have like 3) stay single for ever, i was 17 when i took that decision.

I started college and realized that it was stupid from me to be that mean to myself, so i thought, I´m in college, new friends, new life, no one know the hell have lived, the perfect place to star all over, be me, just me. So i did it, have some good friends, and it was cool, for the first time i have the control in my life, so it was about time for me to think in having a relationship, the only thing was i still have a crappy self estime in the love area, so every guy that i felt attracted to, was not even looking at me, yes, it was worse, i felt like i came tho this world to be every ones friend, so, i closed that door, for good.
I had friends, have good times, but just that.

I had the worse days ever, crying when my girlfriends had hooke ups, having relationships, being with guys that took good care of them, and me, i was the lonely one and the ugly one, i could not believe that no one , literally no one could even talk to me. I hated love. Valentines day was the worse, i became the girl who make fun of love, and from the bottom of my heart, hate cheesy and corny, those chick flicks made me go crazy cause deep inside, i knew i wanted that for me, but i also knew that it was going to be when i grow up and be the most beautiful girl... whenever i saw a couple holding hands or kissing, i felt like my stomach was going out trough my mouth.

One day i took the most important decision, forget about those awful thins, I´m not ugly, or chubby anymore (before i was just a regular girl with no love, i was not that fat or ugly!)

All that lasted like 8 years. My love story began in a really really unexpected way. My best friend study engineering and y study laws, so we only look each other a few times, this last year, we had more time to hang out, and since i did not have much friends, one day she invited me to ha out with her friends, all of them where boys, one of the i all ready knew and the had a mayor crush on me, he is a good person, but he was like me a few years ago, insecure, really low self love and I already left that far away from me, and he is just not my type, but that they i saw this guy, so handsome, like God took him out of my head and built him, yes, i looked at him and though. –shoot, i don´t have a chance there, if only Jess (my friend) could help me- but since that other guy had a crush on me, i also knew it was impossible, because they where friends. He barely saw me, he has an idiot, egocentric and he did not like me, so i said to myself –he is just another guy who thinks the world spins around him you don´t deserve that kind of guy, besides, love is for dummies.

We hang out a few more times, but nothing from him, and i knew no one liked me because i did not want a relationship with the guy that had that stupid crush on me, that on my defense, i never give him any chance, not a tiny bit, everyone hated me (that is how i feel it happened, maybe they do not hate me, but i am sure no one liked me) so, i became friend on facebook with most of them including that egocentric. A few month later, all of the sudden he started to talk to me, on facebook, well not talking, attacking me, if i changed my status, upload a new picture, always he commented and made me upset, like really upset, he drove me crazy, how on earth he could be even attacking me in my own space!!! Then i decided to just get along, we talk and one day he ask me for my msn, and we started to chat, i was confused, i did not now how to feel, believe in the fact that inside of me some little voice that i totally forgot existed keep telling me that he wanted something with me, i just kept ignoring that voice.

Until one day, my coworker and close friend almost slapped me on my face and told me that it´s about time for me to have a relationship, my first real relationship... i am 24.

So after talking a lot, we started to go out, everything went slow and fast, our firs kiss was amazing, and now we are officially dating, we both are afraid of relationships, he had one awfull (i think is the reason why he is afraid... he does not says it was awful, but if he is like that, it´s because i was not a good one), and me, well you just read about me, but i am finally letting someone to love me, i´m afraid a lot, but i also know that i can´t be safe all the time, he is such an amazing person, my fairy tale is still beginning, but i know this is going to be a good one.

maybe this is not a good love story, i read you're story, Jenna's story (that made me cry a lot), but this is another story with a crappy beginning that turn into the begging of a great one. It is amazing because, yes, i opend the door love again, but until I read your blog! before I just decided to stay single, now the few people that know, are so happy, imagine, i became an improved me, like 100 time better me.

i´ll try to write more next time, ´cause believe me my life, lately, is just super funny, now i have to go back to study or i´ll never be a lawyer...

really thank you so much!!!!



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