I stared at my inbox waiting for a new email from him.
"So, how was it?"
The voice startled me and I turned to see my executive editor standing behind me. How long had he been standing there watching me stare at my gmail inbox like an idiot?
"It was... perfect."
An uncontrollable smile spread across my face making my cheeks and the muscles behind my ears ache.
"That good, eh?"
"That good."
He went back to his desk and I went back to staring at my inbox. I decided to open a story I'd been working on, so it would at least look like I was being productive if anyone walked by.
I tried to avoid Facebook that morning, because I knew everyone and their moms (because everyone's moms are on Facebook these days) would be asking me how it went, begging for details. And I knew I'd want to talk to all of them, tell them every last detail of my trip, including the sexy, raunchy ones, but once I got started I literally wouldn't get one piece of work done that day.
I had to snap out of it. I had interviews to do, stories to write, the Business section to edit. But I physically could not force myself to write one word, correct one grammar error. It was like a unique form of jet lag, where my body was caught up, but my mind was stuck between the US and London, floating somewhere out in the ocean, trying to find it's way back to London while I tried to coax it back to me.
"Good morning!"
I jumped again, and then turned to see our UPS man standing at my desk with a giant smile, holding a box. Was Cayden in the box? Oh c'mon, be realistic. Maybe it was my mind, safetly packaged in a brown cardboard box and delivered back to me with care.
"How are you, Whitney?" he asked.
UPS man was the happiest person I'd ever met in my entire life. I swore he was on crack. It didn't matter if it was 110 degrees outside and he was soaked through with sweat, he always had a bigger-than-life smile on his face and a hop to his step that told you he was just happy. Well, or cracked out of his mind.
"I'm great! How are you?" I asked, realizing that my smile and enthusiasm matched his.
"Whoa, who's the guy?"
"Excuse me?" I said as I looked at my desk and my cubicle walls to see if I had subconsciously posted pictures of Cayden and I all over.
"Who's the guy? With that smile on your face, there has to be a guy. So who is he?"
Wow. This guy was good.
"His name is Cayden," I said, my impossibly huge smile stretching even wider and causing a twinge of pain near my ears. I felt like I was the one cracked out of my mind now.
"Well he sure makes you happy! Sign here," he said as he handed me the electronic scanning device and I scribbled my name with the digital pen.
"Have a good day!" And he was gone, bouncing out the door to share his smile with the next cubicle prisoner.
Then I realized... maybe he wasn't on crack or LSD or heavy medication. Maybe he was in love.
I stared at the box, wondering if my brain could actually fit in it.
The label was addressed to my editor. Damn.
I dropped the box at his desk and returned to mine to stare at my inbox.
The icon for my work email started bouncing in my dock, indicating that I had a new email. I didn't even care to click on it because I knew I wouldn't be able to do anything about it. I wouldn't respond, I wouldn't forward it. I wouldn't even delete it. But the bouncing wouldn't stop.
I clicked on it.
It was an email from one of my best friends, Shanna.
Hey Whitney! I HAVE to hear about your trip! Lunch date today?
She worked around the corner from me doing PR for a construction company.
I hit reply.
Of course! Panera at 12:30?
If I couldn't talk to Cayden, I could at least talk about him, and I still needed to hear about Shanna's recent engagement.
I clicked back to my gmail inbox, ready to play the waiting game, but I had a new Cayden email waiting for me.
I'm sorry baby, but I just can't stop planning, working out scenarios etc. haha. You may be happy with this one, though.
OK. I was planning on coming to see you in November from Thursday 4th then leaving on Tuesday 9th. Instead of that, I know you're busy with shipping until the 3rd so don't worry about taking holiday or anything, but how about I fly in on the Saturday 30th October, then have Saturday evening, the Sunday, all of the evenings with you and the whole of the following weekend with you, too. Would that be OK with you? I'm sure it would be but just wanted to check. We'd see each other for like 10 days in a row as opposed to 6. Then we'd see each other for about 12 days at Christmas, also.
Just something for you to think about :)
The twinge behind my ears told me I was smiling like an idiot again. I prayed no one walked by until I composed myself. If he came Oct. 30, that meant he'd be here for Halloween, one of my favorite holidays. It would be the first time I could rock a couples' costume. He could be Spartacus and I could be Mira. (I got him hooked on Spartacus Blood and Sand. If you haven't seen it, go watch the first season right now. Seriously. Go do it.)
I could have a full 10 days with my Cayden. I was bummed I couldn't take more days off work while he came to visit, but after my London trip I only had four more days left for the rest of the year. Because of the production schedule I can't take days off work the last or first weeks of the month. But I could go home from work every day and Cayden would be there waiting for me. I'd kick off my shoes and pour us a glass of wine and we'd talk about my day. Then he'd cook dinner while I sat on the counter, sipping my wine, watching him saute vegetables in a frying pan. Then he'd lean over and kiss me, holding the pan away from us, my lips stained with wine. He could go meet a headhunter while I was at work, talk to him about what kind of job he wants (business consulting) and how soon he'll have his MBA (end of 2011). Hopefully the headhunter could help him find a company near me that would sponsor him. Not many companies were hiring internationally, but that wasn't going to stop Cayden from trying. When he moves here, we could move into a loft downtown, overlooking the city.
Whoa there.
I was getting way ahead of myself. I shook my head to try to clear it. My mind was definitely still in la-la land, and I wanted to join it.
I hit reply.
Of course you can come the 30th! It really sucks that we can't see each other before that. I mean, that's more than four months from now. But I guess if we survived a year without seeing each other, we can last four months. But I really wish we could see each other in September, our birthday month! But at least you'll be here for Halloween...
He had said before that Halloween wasn't too big over there, but when I showed him my costume from the year before, he was... let's just say.... excited.
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