Saturday, May 15, 2010

10.5 Why I usually don't trust men, cont.

Casey walked in my front door and I went into the kitchen to make a sandwich, hoping to keep my kitchen counter between us while I said what I wanted to say.
“So is that what you mean when you say, ‘If you really knew me, you wouldn’t like me’? Is that who you really are? An abusive woman beater?”
My hands were shaking as I spread the peanut butter onto my bread.
“So she told you. I knew I shouldn’t have left you two alone.”
“Casey, how could you?? How can you be so nonchalant about this?”
My voice was verging on the shrilll side.
“Well, she pissed me off. “
“Oh, she pissed you off so you hit her?”
“She doesn’t know when to quit. She just nags and nags and nags, and then I hit her.”
I couldn’t believe I was hearing this. How could this be the same Casey who cuddled me in bed every night, the same Casey who played basketball with my cousins after my sister’s wedding, the same Casey who stole my heart.
I concentrated on peanut butter, the jelly, the bread, the butter knife in my hand. These were the things that made sense. These were the things that didn’t change. Peanut butter was always peanut butter.
By the time I looked up Casey was behind me. It wasn’t until then that I realized my mistake. I was home alone. I was home alone with a person who was capable of kicking a girl in the ribs. A girl he loved.
I turned around to face him, gripping the butter knife as my only defense. He grabbed my wrists and held them against the counter behind me. I was pinned. He tried to kiss my neck.
“Casey, STOP. I’m serious, stop.”
Don’t panic, dont’ panic.
I tried to pry my hands out of his, but I knew he was stronger than me for sure. He tried to kiss my lips and I turned away, Letting him kiss my neck while I came up with a plan. If I screamed, who would hear me. I have a can of mace around here somewhere. Of course those things are never handy when you need them. Tori, my roommate, should be on her way home soon. She wouldn’t think twice about cutting his balls off. I think she’d actually look forward to it.
I knew if I panicked, I’d be completely defenseless, but I knew I couldn’t let this happen. So I gathered all my strength, took a deep breath, and shoved against him as hard as possible, freeing my hands.
He laughed. It was an evil laugh.
“You think you’re stronger than me? That’s cute,” he said through laughs.
“Leave. Leave right now.”
I heard Tori’s key in the front door and felt instantly safer. She walked in wearing her work uniform, her arms fulll of school books.
”You would not believe the day I had at work today,” she started, and then saw the look in my eye that screamed HELP.
She looked at me, then looked at him. Then she came into the kitchen, opened the knife drawer and pulled out the largest, sharpest knife we own.
“What are you doing?” Casey asked, no longer amused.
Then she opened the fridge and pulled out an apple.
“Oh, just cutting fruit, is that OK with you?”
She kept her eye on him as she sliced through the apple, right through the core, splitting it in half. An example of what she’d do to his balls if he tried anything.
“Casey, leave. Now.”
Tori’s knife was dripping with apple juice.
“Yes, I think it’s about time you left, Casey.”
“Fuck this,” Casey said as he grabbed his keys and stormed out the door.

Never again would I trust another boy. Never again would I give my heart away. That happened about two and a half years ago. After that night, I tried to help Katie get away from him, but he convinced her I was just trying to get him all to myself. She believed him. She loved him. Love is a twisted thing.

I still talk to Casey today. I still talk to Katie today. You’ll be happy to know that today Katie is stronger and more beautiful than ever. She’s in a trusting relationship with a man who treats her like a princess. Casey hasn’t hit a girl since August 10, 2009. He admitted to me that out of al the girls he’d ever been with, I was the only one he hadn’t hit. I asked him why.
“I never wanted to.”

1 comment:

  1. Damn, girl! That's heavy! I know that feeling of fear all too well. No one should ever have to feel that way! Good for you for getting out as fast as you can before you got hurt! If anything had happened and I had found out about it, I would have killed him myself! Love, R