I couldn't fall asleep that night. My head was full of what-ifs. What if he decided he didn't want to talk to me? What if he'd met someone else? What if he had a wife and kids over there all along, and this was just his way out of it? It was six hours later over there, so I kept counting the hours, knowing he'd probably read it when he woke up for work in the morning. But what if he didn't have time to respond before he went to work? Then I'd have to wait to hear from him until his lunch break. I tossed and turned and checked my phone every few minutes.
At 6:10 am I woke up to my phone alarm. I turned it off and attempted to drag myself out of bed. After a few hours of light sleep, I had forgotten I was waiting for his email. I checked my phone out of habit, as I did every morning, still hanging on to some thread of hope that I'd have an email from him saying "I made a huge mistake. I have to see you. I'm on the next flight out." That wasn't the email I woke up to. This was:
"Whitney,
I'm soooooooooooooo happy you've decided that you're going to give chatting a go still. I woke up this morning and had mixed feelings when I saw the email from you. I thought, is she replying and I've made her feel even worse after my last and it's going to be a bad email? When i read the first paragraph though, I was pretty damn excited to read the rest. I've been going absolutely crazy not being able to talk about my days with you. I was tempted to email you last night around 12.30am but figured as much as I wanted to, it wouldn't be fair, so I resisted. Anyway, think I've babbled on a bit there about pretty much nothing, but I'm glad you want to give this a go still. You're my first ever penpal. Your going away party sounds like it was an absolute blast. I'm really glad it went so well for you, the perfect way to leave New York."
He went on to talk about how great it was that my parents got to see the city. He also said, "I have heard the saying that everything is bigger in Texas but that sky sounds mind blowing. I'm trying to picture it in my head and I think I've got a kind of idea of what it's like from when I lived on top of a mountain in Cyprus and could just see for miles and miles but at the same time, I've got a different image of it. Sounds really nice though."
Then he talked about an Andrea Bocelli concert he'd been to recently where he was blown away by Bocelli's performance of Elvis's Falling in Love with You and Con Te Partrio. He talked about a new project he was working on a work that was going to save his company thousand and thousands of dollars a year. He commented on everything I'd said in my email, and told me about anything and everything that had gone on in his life since we'd last talked. The email was 2,042 words, and ended with "OK, I need to get my arse out of bed now to go to work. Can I just say that I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY happy that you still want to stay in touch like this. If it gets hard for you though, please do say because as much as I'm going to enjoy emailing you again, I want you to be OK with it all. I'm going to have an amazing day again after reading this."
I was so excited, I hit reply and started furiously typing a response. But then I stopped. If this was going to work out, we couldn't go back to the way things were. So I waited three days to respond.
In a way, Cayden was my diary. Although we tried to wait three days between emails, our emails were three times as long. Sometimes I'd scribble a word down on a post it and stick it on my desktop to remind me to tell Cayden about it. One day it said "Adventures." I knew he'd LOVE to hear about my upcoming adventures. My magazine features a different city in every issue with a handful of adventures to do when you visit, which meant I'd get to fly to some of these places, do these adventures, and write about them. I had finally found my dream job, and Cayden got to hear all about it. I ran off the peak of a mountain and flew 3,000 feet into the air during a paragliding adventure in Golden, Colorado, and went horseback riding through the mountains in one of the state's ghost towns. I went oystering and stand-up paddle boarding in Florida. Cayden got the earful well before the story was published.
He even told me about other girls.
"I met my mate for drinks and this girl was there too, as they are workmates. Anyway, we got on really well and laughed and joked and the group swapped numbers when we left. She wanted to meet up and I thought, we had a laugh so why not? I didn't realise that she really liked me though and wanted it to be a date. I then had to cancel on her because I don't want to be with anyone and she really didn't take too kindly to it. I explained that it's not a good time for me and she just wouldn't take no for an answer. In the end I just stopped texting because she just wouldn't accept that I don't want anything. My mate got some shit in work off her so he wasn't happy either. So much for honesty being the best thing."
To which I responded:
"Well, just because you don’t want a relationship right now doesn’t mean you can’t casually date someone. I mean, unless that’s not your thing. It’s not really my thing, but I’m not against it. I mean… we’re human beings… we have our needs :) But yeah, that whole casual thing gets awkward as soon as one of the people in the situation wants more out of it, which is probably bound to happen."
No, that isn't foreshadowing for my situation with Brady, in case you were wondering. It wasn't easy to hear him talk about girls, and Lord knows I didn't actually want him to causally date ANYONE. Just the thought of it put my stomach in knots. I know I said earlier that I was OK with just talking to him as friends, but that was a flat out lie. I still wanted him. Wanted him so badly. To get my mind off of that, I told him all about Brady.
Showing posts with label New York City. Show all posts
Showing posts with label New York City. Show all posts
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
13. Copy and Paste
"Thanks for thinking of me! Of course, I'd love to hear more about the position. Let me know what the first step is in applying. My current resume is attached. Thanks!
-Whitney"
Then I sent an email to Cayden explaining the whole situation. This is his response:
"Whitney, that's absolutely fantastic news about the offer of a job, I'm really pleased for you. You've got a huge decision to make now, a nice situation to be in though, haha. Upsides are that you would be close to your family and friends who you obviously miss, it's a higher position, it'll pay more and allow you to save, you'll get free travel to places, and it's a fun magazine, which is what you've always wanted. The downside is that you won't have that New York experience for much longer and you'll leave your friends that you've made there. I think it's definitely worth saying that you're interested and asking more about it. Once you've got all of the facts you'll be able to make a more informed decision.
I'll try and give you some advice after almost a decade of working in different jobs in different places. In most of the jobs I've done, I've liked them to start off with, but after a while that novelty wears off after about a year. Only now am I in a job that I don't hate but that's my first one out of about 8, so if a dream job comes up, I would seriously think hard about taking it. If you stayed in New York, you might want a different challenge eventually but it's whether or not there will be any more around when you come to looking. The place where you live is important, too. I lived in Cyprus with beaches etc for 3 years, but after a while I stopped liking it and had to move back home.
Only you can make the decision Whitney, and you've got to go with what you feel is right, but whatever you decide, have no regrets because that'll just wear you down. You're obviously talented and whatever you choose to do, you'll do just fine in both.
I'm a completely different person to you when it comes to family, and also prefer living in a city, so for me, i'd probably see what the company is offering, then mention to your current company that, as much as you like being there, you've had a great offer nearer to home. If they really want you, they'll pay you more or promote you.
For you though, if I'm honest, I think you should take the job in Texas. I don't know you too well, although it feels like I do haha, but one thing I do know is that you love your family very much and your friends too. If you can be around those AND have pretty much your dream job then I think you'd pretty much have nothing to feel down about in life. Not a bad situation to be in. On top of that, for that editor to get in touch with you directly, they obviously really value you and that's what you don't always get in a workplace.
Your experiences in New York will have a huge impact on your life. I think the biggest experience you'll learn from it is not to kick the ass of an English guy in a bar, when he doesn't live in the same country as you, haha.
-Cayden"
Yes, this is an actual email from Cayden, copy and pasted (with his permission of course), and yes this is how long our three-times-a-day emails were, if not longer.
-Whitney"
Then I sent an email to Cayden explaining the whole situation. This is his response:
"Whitney, that's absolutely fantastic news about the offer of a job, I'm really pleased for you. You've got a huge decision to make now, a nice situation to be in though, haha. Upsides are that you would be close to your family and friends who you obviously miss, it's a higher position, it'll pay more and allow you to save, you'll get free travel to places, and it's a fun magazine, which is what you've always wanted. The downside is that you won't have that New York experience for much longer and you'll leave your friends that you've made there. I think it's definitely worth saying that you're interested and asking more about it. Once you've got all of the facts you'll be able to make a more informed decision.
I'll try and give you some advice after almost a decade of working in different jobs in different places. In most of the jobs I've done, I've liked them to start off with, but after a while that novelty wears off after about a year. Only now am I in a job that I don't hate but that's my first one out of about 8, so if a dream job comes up, I would seriously think hard about taking it. If you stayed in New York, you might want a different challenge eventually but it's whether or not there will be any more around when you come to looking. The place where you live is important, too. I lived in Cyprus with beaches etc for 3 years, but after a while I stopped liking it and had to move back home.
Only you can make the decision Whitney, and you've got to go with what you feel is right, but whatever you decide, have no regrets because that'll just wear you down. You're obviously talented and whatever you choose to do, you'll do just fine in both.
I'm a completely different person to you when it comes to family, and also prefer living in a city, so for me, i'd probably see what the company is offering, then mention to your current company that, as much as you like being there, you've had a great offer nearer to home. If they really want you, they'll pay you more or promote you.
For you though, if I'm honest, I think you should take the job in Texas. I don't know you too well, although it feels like I do haha, but one thing I do know is that you love your family very much and your friends too. If you can be around those AND have pretty much your dream job then I think you'd pretty much have nothing to feel down about in life. Not a bad situation to be in. On top of that, for that editor to get in touch with you directly, they obviously really value you and that's what you don't always get in a workplace.
Your experiences in New York will have a huge impact on your life. I think the biggest experience you'll learn from it is not to kick the ass of an English guy in a bar, when he doesn't live in the same country as you, haha.
-Cayden"
Yes, this is an actual email from Cayden, copy and pasted (with his permission of course), and yes this is how long our three-times-a-day emails were, if not longer.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
1. Once Upon a Time
I'll start from the beginning, and through these posts I'll bring you to real time.
July 3, 2009
I saw him standing nearby laughing about god only knows what over drinks with two friends. I only watched him for a minute or two, but I knew I wanted to know him. Something about the way he stood out from his friends—taller, darker. Something about the way his whole face smiled when he talked, not just his mouth, but his eyes, his cheeks, and even his ears seemed to smile. It made me wonder what had him so amused. I was only a few feet away from him, but I couldn’t hear what he was saying. The music was too loud, the bar was too crowded.
“Hey, I’m going to go make that random guy buy me a drink," Lynn said.
I turned in time to watch her make her way to the bar and squeeze in next to a sketchy-looking 30-something who had that I’m-creepy-but-I’ll-buy-you-a-drink look about him.
“Yeah, I’m running low, too. I need to find a guy to buy me a drink.” This from Nicole, my innocent-looking college friend who just turned 21, new to the whole bar scene but catching on quickly.
Danielle just shrugged, her drink needing refilling as well. I didn’t so much care that my drink was almost empty. I wasn’t in the mood to drink, and truthfully I hadn’t even felt much like going out that night. But I was there, one drink down, may as well make the most of it.
I’ve been known to be the outgoing one, the one who will talk to anyone and leave the bar with a few new phone numbers in my contact list. Some of them I’ll call, some of them I won’t. Some become random hook ups, some become friends, others just fall by the wayside.
I wasn’t sure which category the tall smiling man would fall into, but I didn’t care. I just had to meet him.
But which approach should I take? Should I push through him and his friends to get to the bar, with a hand on his side to move him over while saying a polite “Excuse me,” as I passed, and keep my hand on his hip a little longer than necessary? Maybe he’d follow me to the bar and buy my next drink. It’s happened before. Or should I walk past him and graze his butt with my hand just so, so he wouldn’t know if it were on purpose or an accident. And then I’ll look back once I got to the bar and give him a half smile.
But then my elementary flirting skills got the best of me and I decided to play old-school style. I reached my leg behind Danielle, and gave him a blatant kick in the ass and then went back to my chat with my friends, pretending to be a part of their conversation about their next drink choice.
He looked over at us immediately, with a somewhat amused somewhat shocked look on his tanned face. I could feel his eyes on our group, trying to decide if someone had in fact kicked him on purpose or if he'd had one too many drinks and he had imagined the whole thing.
I let him wonder for a few seconds, and then I finally shifted my eyes to his. He gave me a confused look that I knew meant "Did you touch my butt?" I shrugged innocently and pointed at Danielle, who wasn't aware of the kick or the point, her only concern: how to get her glass refilled without relying on Lynn's method of flirting with the ickies. Before Mr. Tall, Tan, and Sexy could approach, Danielle and Nicole yanked me to the bar for refills.
I felt him come up behind me before he said anything. He didn't touch me, I just knew he was there. I felt his eyes on me. I turned, and, sure enough, standing at what must have been about 6'3" with brown hair, his brown eyes with a hint of green looked down at me. A curious smile played on his lips.
"It was her, I swear." I pointed at Danielle as her face clouded over with nothing but confusion.
"Is that so?" This from Mr. Tall, Tan, and Sexy.
Was that an accent I heard? No. Surely Mr. TT&S couldn't also be sporting an adorable accent. Those things didn't happen to me. That only happened in cheesy Julia Stiles movies.
"Well, I'm Cayden," he said as he held his hand out for me to shake. Surely that was an accent. What kind? I couldn't tell. Maybe his skin color was natural and he's hispanic. Or Greek. Or maybe he was just blessed with more melanin than most and an addiction to the outdoors. I couldn't be sure.
"Whitney," I say as met his hand with mine.
For the next hour or two, there was no bar. There were no friends. No ickies. No music. No nothing. Just me and Cayden. Just his British accent, my light-hearted laugh. His tanned hand resting on my tanned leg. His eyes, the exact same color as my own. His stories. My stories. His half Pakistani background, my half Cuban background.
Talk. Laugh. Touch. Repeat.
I forgot where I was all together until I heard "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" chanted all around me. It tore my eyes away from his. All of a sudden the room filled in. My friends were around us. His friends nearby.
Lynn seemed to be the ring leader in the chant, her camera was out and ready to capture the moment. How long had they been standing there? How long had we been talking? It must have taken me a full 15 seconds to bring myself back to reality. I looked at Danielle and Nicole, their faces eager. I looked at Lynn's camera lens, her finger hovering over the button.
I looked at Cayden.
We shrugged.
We kissed.
The camera flashed.
July 3, 2009
I saw him standing nearby laughing about god only knows what over drinks with two friends. I only watched him for a minute or two, but I knew I wanted to know him. Something about the way he stood out from his friends—taller, darker. Something about the way his whole face smiled when he talked, not just his mouth, but his eyes, his cheeks, and even his ears seemed to smile. It made me wonder what had him so amused. I was only a few feet away from him, but I couldn’t hear what he was saying. The music was too loud, the bar was too crowded.
“Hey, I’m going to go make that random guy buy me a drink," Lynn said.
I turned in time to watch her make her way to the bar and squeeze in next to a sketchy-looking 30-something who had that I’m-creepy-but-I’ll-buy-you-a-drink look about him.
“Yeah, I’m running low, too. I need to find a guy to buy me a drink.” This from Nicole, my innocent-looking college friend who just turned 21, new to the whole bar scene but catching on quickly.
Danielle just shrugged, her drink needing refilling as well. I didn’t so much care that my drink was almost empty. I wasn’t in the mood to drink, and truthfully I hadn’t even felt much like going out that night. But I was there, one drink down, may as well make the most of it.
I’ve been known to be the outgoing one, the one who will talk to anyone and leave the bar with a few new phone numbers in my contact list. Some of them I’ll call, some of them I won’t. Some become random hook ups, some become friends, others just fall by the wayside.
I wasn’t sure which category the tall smiling man would fall into, but I didn’t care. I just had to meet him.
But which approach should I take? Should I push through him and his friends to get to the bar, with a hand on his side to move him over while saying a polite “Excuse me,” as I passed, and keep my hand on his hip a little longer than necessary? Maybe he’d follow me to the bar and buy my next drink. It’s happened before. Or should I walk past him and graze his butt with my hand just so, so he wouldn’t know if it were on purpose or an accident. And then I’ll look back once I got to the bar and give him a half smile.
But then my elementary flirting skills got the best of me and I decided to play old-school style. I reached my leg behind Danielle, and gave him a blatant kick in the ass and then went back to my chat with my friends, pretending to be a part of their conversation about their next drink choice.
He looked over at us immediately, with a somewhat amused somewhat shocked look on his tanned face. I could feel his eyes on our group, trying to decide if someone had in fact kicked him on purpose or if he'd had one too many drinks and he had imagined the whole thing.
I let him wonder for a few seconds, and then I finally shifted my eyes to his. He gave me a confused look that I knew meant "Did you touch my butt?" I shrugged innocently and pointed at Danielle, who wasn't aware of the kick or the point, her only concern: how to get her glass refilled without relying on Lynn's method of flirting with the ickies. Before Mr. Tall, Tan, and Sexy could approach, Danielle and Nicole yanked me to the bar for refills.
I felt him come up behind me before he said anything. He didn't touch me, I just knew he was there. I felt his eyes on me. I turned, and, sure enough, standing at what must have been about 6'3" with brown hair, his brown eyes with a hint of green looked down at me. A curious smile played on his lips.
"It was her, I swear." I pointed at Danielle as her face clouded over with nothing but confusion.
"Is that so?" This from Mr. Tall, Tan, and Sexy.
Was that an accent I heard? No. Surely Mr. TT&S couldn't also be sporting an adorable accent. Those things didn't happen to me. That only happened in cheesy Julia Stiles movies.
"Well, I'm Cayden," he said as he held his hand out for me to shake. Surely that was an accent. What kind? I couldn't tell. Maybe his skin color was natural and he's hispanic. Or Greek. Or maybe he was just blessed with more melanin than most and an addiction to the outdoors. I couldn't be sure.
"Whitney," I say as met his hand with mine.
For the next hour or two, there was no bar. There were no friends. No ickies. No music. No nothing. Just me and Cayden. Just his British accent, my light-hearted laugh. His tanned hand resting on my tanned leg. His eyes, the exact same color as my own. His stories. My stories. His half Pakistani background, my half Cuban background.
Talk. Laugh. Touch. Repeat.
I forgot where I was all together until I heard "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" chanted all around me. It tore my eyes away from his. All of a sudden the room filled in. My friends were around us. His friends nearby.
Lynn seemed to be the ring leader in the chant, her camera was out and ready to capture the moment. How long had they been standing there? How long had we been talking? It must have taken me a full 15 seconds to bring myself back to reality. I looked at Danielle and Nicole, their faces eager. I looked at Lynn's camera lens, her finger hovering over the button.
I looked at Cayden.
We shrugged.
We kissed.
The camera flashed.
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