Tuesday, February 7, 2012

265. Noted

Wednesday was my last day of work while Cayden was in town. I took Thursday and Monday off, and we were already off work on Friday for New Years. I was finally going to have five full days with him without having to abandon him to go to work. Which made Wednesday feel like the longest day of my existence.

"Oh, my god. He's just so precious," Kate said as she propped herself up against my cubical. "And you're right. He doesn't look much like his pictures."

Cayden will be the first person to admit it: He's not photogenic. And by "not photogenic" I mean he's probably the least photogenic person I've ever met. It's not that he looks awful in pictures, he just looks... different. He looks completely different in every single photo. And when someone says "smile!" he panics and plasters on this awkward half smile that looks like half his mouth is paralyzed and the other half is full of food. The concept of smiling for photos completely baffles him.

"I know, right?" my coworker Laine said as she swiveled around in her chair. "He looks so much smaller in pictures. I always thought he was smaller than you."

"Lord no," I said. "Dude's a beast. His waist might be smaller than mine, though. He's got these huge muscly arms, shoulders and chest and then this little, tiny perky butt. So weird. He's like Sulley from Monsters Inc."

They both tilted their chins to one side while they tried to compare the two.

"That's pretty accurate," Laine said while Kate nodded her head in agreement.

"But he's so cute! And that accent!"

Everyone was in agreement that his accent was downright adorable.

"But I don't know how you do it," Kate said. "I mean, I know I've only been talking to Topher for a little while, but it's killing me that I can't hang out with him. I mean, just to give him a hug... Ah, that would be so nice."

I knew the feeling all too well. It's like being stranded in a desert and all you want is a drink of water. The webcam is just a mirage. You can see it, but you can't get to it. Can't touch it. Can't drink it. That comparison might be a bit dramatic, but that's really the best way I can describe it.

"Yeah. It's a bitch," I said. "But if you two keep talking, at least that means you and I can bitch about it together!"

I couldn't tell if she wanted to slap me or hug me. I knew she loved talking to him and getting to know him, but the emotional strain of the distance was already weighing on her.

"Just jump on a plane and fly over there," I suggested. "It worked for me."

"I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it."

The rest of the day dragged on and I didn't even have chats from Cayden to entertain me. He'd gone to see the new Mission Impossible movie with Dad, Corbin and Jay.

It was Emory's turn to distract me while I built a Facebook contest.

"So...." he said, wheeling his chair closer to mine. "It's official. We're moving in together."

"SHUT UP. Are you serious??"

It hadn't been six months since I accidentally hooked him up with Jennifer, and now they were moving in together. Well, I guess that's one way to ring in the new year.

"When you just know... why wait?" he'd said to me a couple months after meeting her. Would I have done the same thing if Cayden had lived on this continent? Damn right.

"Yeah, I got out of my lease and we're moving into a bigger loft in her complex. I'm moving downtown."

He had a chill way of delivering the news, but I could tell he was downright giddy. I was both happy for them and jealous of them. Although it was only a few couples (Rae and Chaz, Joyce and Joey, Emory and Jennifer) I felt like every couple in the entire world had moved in together in 2011 and Cayden and I were still thousands of miles apart. I still had at least another five months until his potential move over in May, and those five months were going to inch along at a snails pace if everyone else's relationship was on the fast track. Cayden and I may as well have been moving farther apart.

"Well, I'm super excited for you two," I said, with a genuine smile on my face. "Take notes for me and let me know what I should expect when Cayden and I finally get to be roommates."

I'd already started taking notes from my friends experiences and from Cayden's visits.

  1. You both can't be right all the time. One of you needs to cave or neither of you is getting laid. 
  2. Don't leave three seconds on the microwave. Either clear it or let it countdown to zero. That little red glowing three might not bother you, but it might be the worst part of his day.
  3. Don't leave your shoes out where they can be tripped on. One stubbed toe and you're to blame for everything that went wrong that day/week/month (depending on how many toes were stubbed during the incident)
  4. Don't try to pretend like you don't poop. Everybody poops and when you live together there's no way of avoiding it without severe abdominal pain. 
  5. Take time apart. Just because you live together does not mean you have to spend every waking minute attached at the hip. Go for a drive. Run your errands by yourself. Give yourself time to miss him/her.
Feel free to add your own notes in the comment section below! If I get enough comments, I might create a full blog post dedicated to living-together tips.


  1. Share the chores. It makes them more bearable, and keeps resentment from building that you did all the ----- while he/she just sat around.

  2. it can be hard, what with housing prices, but try and (at least in the beginning) have a separate room/bedroom where you can go for you time. i don't know, maybe it's more applicable if you're studying/bringing lots of work home in the evenings, but it can be nice to have somewhere either of you can go to work/watch something random/play xbox. and it means you don't go from living alone (even if your partner's there lots of the time) to suddenly both being in the same bedroom/living room all. the. time. maybe that's just me, hah - maybe everyone else is super-attached right from the get-go! ;)

  3. I don't live with my boyfriend yet, but I've taken mental notes about complaints he has about living with his messy sister. For example: it drives him crazy when she doesn't put the cap back on the toothpaste, and when she leaves crumbs everywhere. Luckily I'm a neat freak too, so that won't be a problem. But definitely take note of any complaints he mentions in passing about current or past roommates. :)

  4. I think one of the hardest things is learning to choose dinner plans ahead of time. It was so much easier in college to eat solo and do whatever I wanted but now you have to make sure they want it too!

    Both my fiance and I are indecisive so when it comes to dinner in the beginning we would sit around for hours not choosing... If you have a plan to cook specific things or go to specific places during the week it helps!

  5. If the other person is already in bed with the lights off, but not necessarily sleeping, DON’T turn them on!
    Please when shaving you don’t have to get the entire counter wet, if so clean up, my makeup is always getting wet because I keep forgetting he does this.
    TOILET seat, enough said.
    Don’t wake up the other person sat/sun mornings to ask if he/she has seen your keys/ belts/ trainers/ insert any other random object________. Sex is ok though ;)

  6. 100 percent agree with you on the alone time one. A little bit of alone time has saved my sanity many times.

    Split the chores 50/50. I don't care if one person works outside of the home and the other stays home (with or without kids). Still split them. There will be resentment if one person is expected to do it all. This is not 1950.

    Get a king sized bed. Skip queen altogether. Queen may work in the beginning, but eventually you will argue over space and bed-hogging. Save yourself the trouble.

    Do not ever tell your significant other that they look fat or have gained weight. Especially if there is a pregnancy involved. This should be understood by all.

    Fights (non-physical, of course) are a good thing. It helps the relationship.

    Overuse 'I love you.'

  7. Agreed on the king sized bed and overusing 'I love you.'

    It helps to have a routine, as in going to bed and waking up around the same time, and having a morning routine or bedtime routine.

    Pick up after yourself.

    Be open and honest with your partner about what you want and need. That is the most important thing.

  8. No matter if you are mad at each other, make sure you always give each other a kiss goodnight and goodbye and always say I love you. Just the kiss before bed lets the other one know, even if you are mad at them you still love them.

  9. LOVE the take time for yourself one... so true! Also, something I live by now that I'm married is: don't sweat the small stuff.

  10. lol love these tips, after being married for 11yrs. I really dont have much to add. Id add "im sorry" to the list, there is a saying here about marriage, but probably works for living together as well. "Marriage is a union of two good forgivers". Really forgive and if you cant talk about it, or wait until you can talk calmly about it. Dont keep it all in, or you will have a blow out over something really stupid....ie. his socks on the counter ;)