Thursday, October 13, 2011

223. One Moment, Please

As usual when Cayden left, I had a moment of calmness. A moment to myself. A moment alone with my music and my thoughts. Windows down, music up. And when I got to work, I only thought about work. I worked until 6 pm without feeling guilty. And when I got home from work, I went to the gym. I watched a rerun of The Bachelor Pad on my iPod while I dominated the elliptical machine. I ran until my calves burned because it felt amazing. I jumped into bed that night and sprawled out, stretched all the way across my bed because I could.

And right before I fell asleep, I rolled over to tell Cayden goodnight.

And he wasn't there.

Just as quickly as the calmness had set in, it was gone. I reached around in the dark, desperately searching for something, anything. My hand landed on something soft and I pulled it to my chest. It was my Build-a-Bear teddy bear with a recording of Cayden's voice.

Hey baby. I just wanted let you know that I love you, I miss you loads, and I'll see you again soon. Goodnight.

"Goodnight," I whispered.

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