Tuesday, February 8, 2011

155. There's no "I" in U-HAUL

"Babe, wake up," Cayden said, poking my side with his finger. It hit the spot between two ribs that made my side spasm and forced an unexpected squeal-grunt out of my half-open mouth. Hey, I never said I was cute in the morning.

"What time is it?" I asked, refusing to open my eyes.

"Seven. You need to head to your new house to meet the cable guy."

I rolled over and groaned. "I know, I know."

I didn't want to wake up. I wanted to stay in bed all day with that one lone sock and Cayden. But then I remembered we were at my parents' house. Best to throw on the other sock and pull myself out from under the covers.

"Today's going to be a long day," Cayden said, yawning and stretching his long arms over his his head.

"Then go back to sleep. You have two hours before you and Mom are picking up the U-Haul, so rest up!"

I gave him a kiss on the cheek and reached down for the sweatpants bunched up next to my bed.

I drove over to my new house with sleep still in my eyes. I needed coffee, stat. I planned on stopping by Starbucks for a tall, skinny vanilla latte and a Greek-yogurt-and-honey parfait. Before I made it to the drive thru, my phone rang. It was Joyce.

"Happy moving day! Please tell me you already left to go to our house?" she asked.

"Yep. About 10 minutes away."

"Good. The cable guy just called and he said he's on his way. So hopefully you beat him there."

"Damn, so no time to stop at Starbucks?" I whined. "No problem. I'll meet yall at your place as soon as the cable guy leaves here so I can help you guys finish up and then we can head to my apartment."

"Deal. See you later!"

I pressed my hand up against the glass and stared longingly as I passed Starbucks. I could almost taste the warm, sweet coffee in my parched mouth.

I pulled up to the house at the same time as the cable guy. While he went to work drilling holes and climbing around in the attic like an oversized possum, I unpacked everything we'd crammed in my car. I hung up all of my dresses and blazers. I lined my shoes along the bottom of my closet. I folded my sweatshirts and stacked them on the top shelf. I stepped back and looked at my already full closet and wondered how the hell I was going to fit the other boxes and bins full of clothes still back at my apartment. I had a huge walk-in closet and a smaller closet in my old bedroom. I was downsizing to one tiny closet, the length of a coffin, the width of two of my size 10 shoes lined up heel to toe.

I stacked all of my cups and bowls and plates and pots and pans in a few of the numerous cabinets in our new kitchen. I chose a random drawer for my silverware. Another drawer for my kitchen utensils. I set my espresso machine up in the corner and then kicked myself for not bringing espresso. Then I sat back and smiled, looking around our cute, new kitchen. A skylight lit the whole space. I stared up into it wondering how much time had passed. How long did it take to install cable in three rooms anyway?

My watch read 10 am. I tried to text Cayden but then remembered my phone was mostly broken. I slammed in on the ground a few times and pressed every part of the screen until I finally got it to call Cayden.

"How's it going over there?" I asked. He and my mom had gone to Joyce's apartment with the U-Haul to help them load everything

"Not bad. Your mom let me drive the U-Haul!"

I tried to picture Cayden maneuvering the oversized truck on the highway while trying to figure out which side of the road he should drive on.

"Well, started out on the wrong side of the road. Kind of freaked your mom out. But then I got the hang of it. How are things going over there?"

"Well, I unpacked everything and now I'm just sitting here. Bored out of my mind. I had no idea it was going to take this long." I said it loudly so the cable guy would hear me.

"Well, babe, I have to help Joey carry a bookcase down three flights of stairs now, so I have to let you go. But hang in there! Hope he's done soon."

I hung up and looked around my bare house for something to do. My stomach growled and I remembered I hadn't eaten anything. I considered sneaking out of the house for a Starbucks run, but then decided not to leave the cable guy unattended in case he got any brilliant ideas about stealing my espresso machine or my Anita Blake Vampire Series collection.

I lay down on my stomach in the middle of my new room. There wasn't one piece of furniture in our whole house. I flipped open my laptop in hopes of entertaining myself with Facebook and Twitter, but quickly remembered no cable meant no Internet. So my phone was broken and I had no Internet to entertain me. No TV. No furniture. No food. No coffee. No Cayden.

I was truly stumped.

I crawled out to the living room and rooted around in the bin full of books. I picked one up called Talk of the Town that I'd snagged from the magazine office. I crawled back to my room and reclaimed my spot in the middle of the floor.

After two pages, my eyes were drooping. After five pages, I caught myself nodding off. After seven pages, I gave up. I closed the book and my eyes.

An hour later, I called Cayden.

"HE'S STILL HERE," I whined.

"Still? What the hell is he doing? We're almost done here at Joyce's, so you should just meet us at your place when you're done."

"I feel so bad that you guys are doing all the heavy lifting while I sit here not doing a damn thing." I felt useless.

"Don't worry. We'll put you to work at your place. I need to go carry her bed down now, so I have to let you go again."

I started doing lunges and pushups and sit ups to kill the time. At least that way I could be just as sore as everyone else the next day.

"I should be out of your hair in another hour," the cable guy yelled from the living room.

ANOTHER HOUR? I considering counting how many times I could bang my head against the wall in an hour. Or bang his head against the wall.

An hour and a half later I pulled up to my apartment to find Mom, Cayden, Joey, and Joyce sitting outside my apartment inhaling Mr. Goodcents sandwiches. I jumped out and lunged for a sandwich before I even lunged for Cayden.

Everyone looked exhausted and sweaty and starving. My shoulders ached slightly from my impromptu workout. The U-Haul door was open and I saw that just about everything from my apartment was already safe and secure in the U-Haul, as well as everything from Joyce's apartment. I'd never felt more useless.

"Well, gang, let's head over to the house and start unpacking!" I said with mock excitement.

If looks could kill, I would have died four times.



  1. by the way, I had Mr. Goodcents for the VERY FIRST TIME two Sundays ago. I meant to tell you before but this just reminded me. And this post made me giggle :)

  2. What kind did you get?? Did you love it??

  3. I got the original one? I think it had pepperoni, salami, and bologne. and on white because you said that bread was fluffier. and yes, I think it was 10 thousand times better than subway (gasp!)