Wednesday, August 18, 2010

81. How Rude

I heard his knock at the door and my heart jumped up to my throat. I stood up too fast and the rest of the world was on a delay. I heard my heart beating in my ears, felt my pulse in the tips of my fingers.

My legs had that shaky weak feeling they get when I push myself a little too hard at the gym. They felt like rubberbands. On my way to the door I started thinking, What now? Do I invite him to stay the night? Do I set him up on the couch? Do I pop another bottle of Andre and go buck wild?

I knew he was hurt and confused and vulnerable. I also knew I was the root cause of all those emotions. I opened the door and saw him standing there, my Will, my best friend. He stepped in and wrapped me in a hug. I was finally in his arms. Nothing could hurt me if his arms were around me.

I looked up from my circle of safety, "Are you OK?"

"Im good. I'm good now."

I smiled against him. I wanted to ask what happened, but I figured right then it wasn't my place. Something told me the last thing he wanted to do was talk.

When he let go, I turned and headed for my room and he followed. We didn't need an awkward conversation about who was going to sleep on the couch. It was just understood that we'd be sharing my queen-size bed. It was almost like best friends getting ready for a slumber party.

While I cuddled in my favorite spot on the right side of the bed, Will untied his shoes and put his hat on my desk. I stopped to think about everything Will had been through in the past two hours. The girl who'd broken his heart years before had just confessed her feelings to him (me), his girlfriend broke up with him, and now he was about to curl up next to me, in my bed.

I slid into bed next to me and pulled me close to him. I couldn't believe it was all happening. I thought back to the day I met Will in the study room in our dorm. Three years later and we're cuddling in my bed, not thinking about the past or the future. Just thinking about that night, and what could potentially happen.

He started kissing my neck and my whole body sighed in relief. But then I tensed up. I realized we could be making a huge mistake. He hadn't been single for 10 minutes and he was already in my bed. Was I some kind of rebound? Or were we going to be together?

I knew there was no way he'd jump from one relationship to the next that fast, so what were we going to be the next morning? Best friends who'd fallen for each other who'd messed around one night?

"Wait." I said, pushing him away from me so I had some breathing space. I was buzzed and in bed with the boy I'd been falling for, so imagine how hard it was for me to push him away when we were about to do what I'd been wanting to do with him for the longest time.

He pulled away from me looking more confused than ever.

I looked down at my ring and twisted it around my finger while I thought.

"What's wrong?" He asked, half concerned, half frustrated.

"You've only been single for like five minutes. I can't kiss you." Of course, my reasoning made much more sense in my head. Looking back, I actually don't know what I meant by that.

"Are you being serious right now?"

I was. I'd made up my mind. I wasn't going to kiss him that night. Sure, I'd gotten him drunk, confessed my feelings for him, and invited him in my bed. And then I denied him even the slightest goodnight kiss.

I was a cock-teasing bitch.


  1. Noooo! Whitney!! Hahahaha..oh well, there goes my theory!

  2. I know, right?? I'm a horrible person!! Your theory would have made a much better story.