Wednesday, July 28, 2010

67. Trippin'

OK, so I know yall asked me to tell the story of Will and then I went rambling on with the story of Dane. But I promise I'm getting back to the Will story. I just wanted to make sure that I keep all my guys straight and refresh your memory about some of them, because at this point you're probably wondering, "Wait, was Dane the woman beater? Oh wait, no, that was Casey. Or was Casey the one who went to Iraq?" And, yes, I do feel like a whore-bag as I recall all of these men I feel the need to tell you all about. But hang with me.

OK, where was I.
RIght, so I moved to college, met Will and became instant besties, "dated" Jamie for a minute, and started hooking up with Dane. I'm glazing over the rest of my freshman year so I don't look like too much of a [virgin] whore. Let's just say I partied a lot and made out with a lot of random guys. Oh, and I also went to class every single day and pulled of a surprising 4.0.

Fast forward to sophomore year. Still besties with Will, and still flinging with Dane.
I was at a party at someone's apartment. Dawn and Anne were with me, and Will might have even been there. I was sitting on the couch, switching off between a Keystone and a cup of trashcan punch, and talking to our good friend Devon. As usual, every once in a while I'd scan the room, looking for which guy I wanted to make out with that night. None of them caught my attention, so I chugged the rest of both drinks and I was about to hit the dance floor (see: living room) when I saw something I liked. He'd just walked in, and he was tall with a backwards hat.

He looked like Channing Tatum, only I'm sure this guy could have been a better actor than Channing even if he turned out to be deaf, blind, AND dumb.

"Dawn!" I yelled over the music. She was dancing between two guys who looked exactly alike. Was I seeing double? No, no, definitely twins.

"DAWN!" I tried one more time

"Yeah?" She leaned toward me, splashing warm beer on the carpet.

"Dibs!" I said as I pointed at Channing.

She followed my gaze and saw what I saw.


Devon was amused by the fact that I'd just called dibs on a human being.

"Want me to hook you up?" he asked.

"Do you know him?"

I looked up to see that Channing was just a few feet away.

Devon stood up and I stayed seated, wishing I hadn't just chugged both drinks because now I had nothing to do with my hands and they felt awkward.

"Hey man, what's up? I'm Devon," Devon said as he shook Channing's hand.

Channing gave a hardy shake back.

"Hey man, is this your party?" he asked.

"Nope, but this is my friend Whitney."

I looked up, stunned. I wasn't expecting it. Then I realized I was still holding my hands up awkwardly because I didn't know what to do with them. I held one out toward him and he shook it. I loved his shake. I hate when guys try to do the dainty shake or the dead-fish shake. It seriously grosses me out. But no, this one was strong and masculine and everything about it seemed to say, "Why hello little lady. I'm the Brawny man and I'll chop wood and supply you with surprisingly soft paper towels." OK, I'm not little and I sure as hell don't act like a lady (you should see me try to cut a piece of steak. I use a death grip.) But I'd accept his paper towels any day.

We talked, we danced, I looked up at his beautiful green eyes when he wasn't looking.

When that party ended, we walked over to another party at the twins' apartment. Well, it wasn't exactly a party. It was more of a sit-around-and-let-your-buzz-die-so-you-can-drive-home gathering. Ann and Dawn were mingling with the other guys, and I was perfectly content to be sitting on Channing's lap. He had class with the twins, so I think that's how we ended up there.

When it was time to leave, Dawn and Ann decided to let Channing-Brawny man walk me to the car and give us a few minutes before they came out. Such good roommates they were.

While he walked me to Ann's car, he said, "So, you really fake falls for fun?"

I hadn't remembered telling that story. I blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol.

"Yeah, I mean, everyone likes to see someone miss a step on the stairs or stutter step in the hallway right? So, I figure if I stage a fall in front of a large group, I'm bound to make someone's day."

He laughed and shook his head.

"Prove it."

He really didn't believe I'd do it.

"OK, when the next group leaves the party, I'll do it."

Just then a group was coming out, Dawn and Ann included.

"Hey guys!" I said, as I bolted across the yard toward them, running full speed. I quickly checked my surroundings for a good place to land. Everything seemed soft enough, no hidden concrete slabs in sight, so a potential grass stain was the only risk.
My awkward running style with my hand outstretched toward my friend made the rest of the group turn and look. When I was about 8 strides away, I forced my foot to kick the back of my other leg and send me flying through the air. It was perfect. My arms were flailing, the group watched in horror, and I landed in a perfect skidding thud on my stomach, stopping just inches in front of them.

"Oh my god!! Don't worry guys, she does this all the time," Dawn scooped me up off the ground and then spotted Brawny man over by the car, doubled over laughing. "DON'T WORRY! IT WAS FAKE! SHE DOES THIS!!"

Precious little Dawn thought I'd fallen on accident, and she thought she was saving me the embarrassment by telling everyone is was fake. It was such a good fake fall even Dawn thought it was real.

I brushed myself off and headed back to the car with my girls. They buckled in while my Channing lookalike leaned me against the car.

"I didn't think you'd do it." He said, still shaking his head.

"Never doubt me."

Then he kissed me, a sweet goodnight kiss.

And that, my friends, is the story of how I fell for Brady.



  1. I LOVE Channing Tatum!!!!!!!

  2. HAHA! I'm glad I'm the only one in my area today, I was laughing SO hard!!

  3. I'm telling you, stage a fall just once in your life. It's life changing.