Sunday, July 11, 2010

59. BFs and BFFs

The excitement overwhelmed me as I watched him read those four words etched into the back of the frame. My body felt like a bottle of champagne that had just been popped (no, not in the dirty way), and my excitement was the mass of bubbles racing each other to the top.

He looked up with a big smile on his face.

"You love me, too?" He said with his adorable accent. I wanted to jump though the screen and wrap my arms around him, kiss his smiling face. I could tell he was lying down in bed, his head propped against his pillow and the wall. Just a month before I had been right next to him.

I pictured the Tic Tacs on the table next to him, and immediately thought about his naked body hovering over mine. This image popped up in my head all the time—sometimes I'd imagine it as I fell asleep at night, fueling some sweat-soaked dreams. Sometimes it would pop into my head in the middle of work, and my face would turn dark red as I tried to focus on the story I was editing. Insert dirty champagne-pop analogy.

"I do! I can finally say it! I freakin love you!"

The bubbles were overflowing now, pouring down the sides of the bottle.

"It's so good to finally hear you say that! I knew you couldn't wait until you see me again."

"Well, I can see you. You just can't see me," I said, wishing I had a webcam so he could see that my smile was just as ridiculous as his.

When I bought my iBook G4 in 2004, I was one of the cool kids, ahead of the trend. But by 2010 the thing was completely outdated, and apparently no one makes Mac-compatible webcam attachments. I even tried to buy one on Amazon that said it was "PC/Mac Compatible." But I plugged the damn thing in and nothing happened. Piece of shit.

My brother got a new Macbook for school last year. It was sitting on the floor of his dorm room when he stepped on it. So now it has a crack that starts in the middle and spreads to the outside of the screen, creating quite an interesting target effect. BUT... it has a webcam. He got a new computer through his internship (conveniently, Dad is his boss man). So now I'm going to snag his busted laptop so I can finally be one of the cool kids with a webcam-laptop.

There was no possible way I could have waited until I saw him next to tell him I loved him back. I would have gone mad. Like, literally. At that point, he wasn't planning on coming until the end of October because both of our schedules were too busy until then. Three and a half months.

"Well, I have some news you might like," he said.

"Umm, do tell!"

"I was looking at my schedule, and if I work late the rest of this month, and all of next month, I might be able to come see you sooner than October."

"Shut up! WHEN?" I demanded.

"The last weekend of August."

"Fuck, Cayden! That's the one weekend I already have plans!"

My best friend LeeAnn was turning 25 and I hadn't seen her since our trip to Cabo about five years earlier. We'd been best friends since elementary school, back in St. Louis where we grew up. I moved to Texas when I was 13, but we'd always kept in touch. Now she was turning the big 2-5 and I wanted to be there.

I also wanted to meet Sammy, her boyfriend and the love of her life. She'd met him in January, and he was sending her pictures of engagement rings by March. At the time, I thought they were out of their damn minds, no one could fall in love that fast.

But it only took me five seconds to fall for Cayden, and a year to tell him. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't pictured Cayden at the end of an aisle waiting for me with that giant grin on his face while my dad walked with my arm looped through his. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't wondered how he'd propose. Would he ask my dad's permission first? Did I want him to ask my dad? Part of me wanted him to, and the other part of me wanted it to be me who broke the news to my parents. Why was I even thinking about this?

I owed LeeAnn BIG TIME. Back in March, I'd called her from my car, near tears, sitting in the middle of some random parking lot across from the animal shelter I was supposed to be volunteering at. It was right before I broke up with Addam, and I needed her to tell me I was making the right decision.

She listened to me blabber on and on about how Addam was going to Iraq and wanted me to meet his parents, and how Cayden was giving me advice and wanted me to come visit. We must have talked for an hour or more. I saw the other volunteers out walking dogs. It started to rain. Sucks to be them.

I'll never forget it: She said, "Whitney, you deserve someone who tells you you're beautiful every single day, whether you're in a dress or sweatpants. You deserve someone who tells you how special you are every single day. Someone who tells you they love you. Every. Single. Day."

At the time, I thought that was a lot to ask for, a lot to expect. But taking her words into consideration, I knew Addam wasn't that person.

Lucky for me, Cayden was.


  1. aww bummer (but yay for having good friends who know you better than you know yourself)! are you still stuck waiting 'til the end of October then?

  2. Your blog inspired me to create my own & tell my own story/stories.

    Thank you soooo much for sharing & the inspiration! I'm so excited for you!

    Heres the link to my blog if you wanna take a look!