Monday, June 7, 2010

36. Your Questions, Our Answers

First of all, I want to thank you all for the beautiful comments, one of which seriously brought me to tears. I'm going to save that email forever, no matter what happens. I gathered all of your questions and sent the ones for Brady and Cayden off to the guys. Here are all of the questions and answers so far! I decided to post these now instead of packing first. But if yall happen to send more questions while I'm packing, I'll try to answer them late tonight or early tomorrow.

I'll start with the ones I've been getting from various readers from the get-go:
Do your parents read this?
Brace yourself for this one... yes. Well, my mom reads every day and my dad used to read it. I told them they're going to have to pretend I'm not their daughter while they read it. Dad stopped reading it pretty early on though, probably for the best. My aunt (who refers to Cayden as my little English Muffin) called two weekends ago and told me she stopped reading it because she couldn't read her "baby neice's soft-core porn," but then she texted me last week to tell me what "Ace" meant. Clearly, she's still reading. My younger sister is a devoted reader and she helped me spread the word. She actually walked in on one of her roomates crying and talking to the computer screen while she was reading my blog :) Pretty sure my younger brother stopped reading, but he got all of his girlfriends hooked! Thanks, brother! My older sister doesn't read books, much less blogs, but now that she's seen some of the reader feedback, she said she's tempted to read it.

Do your coworkers read this?
Well, my roommate Stephanie is my coworker, so yes, she reads it. One of my editors also reads it, but he's one of my good friends, so it's not too weird. But I do avoid eye contact the day after a juicy blog.

From Cindy
Washington, D.C.
Were Brady and TJ planning a threesome the night that you were all together (in post 34), or was that completely spontaneous?
Brady says: "Haha! No threesome was planned, but I would not have minded it!"

Have Brady and TJ hooked up since that night?
Brady says: "Yes TJ and I have hooked up since. TJ usually shows up on my doorstep at 2 in the morning drunk, and its tough to resist..."

From Jen
Washington, D.C.
Does Cayden have a single brother around his same age?
From Cayden: "I have one brother who turned 30 this year, and he's about to get married. I do have some available friends who would jump at the chance to meet a cute American girl though :)"
(I think we should make this happen)

From Stephanie
Washington, D.C.
Has Cayden dated anyone since the first time you met in NYC?
Cayden says: "I haven't, but this is not due to me being all romantic or anythin,g but more by choice. I've met girls, shared a quick kiss with a couple on nights out but nothing more than that. So why was it by choice? My dream is to move to the US, regardless of what happens with Whitney, and if I land myself an English girlfriend, my dream may not happen. So I am not putting myself in a position where that may happen (yes, call me a control freak). When I emailed Whitney last September saying I'm not in a position for a relationship, that went for being in one over here as well. I had no firm idea of how long it'd take to get to the US last year and that's one of the reasons why I couldn't take things further with Whitney. I did say that I'd be over there in 3 years time though.....and with planning, I'm on track to be over there in about two and a half years now."

Have you spoken to Addam at all, since the last time we heard of him in your blog?
Addam and I are Facebook friends, and he always seems to message me and then sign off. One time it said, "I miss you." Another time it said, 'I still miss you." And another time it was just a heart. But we did finally talk once about a month ago. He said things were going well and he's planning a trip to Europe over my birthday. So I told I'm I'm going to London in June. He knows Cayden lives in London, but I don't know if he put two and two together. He talked to Stephanie via fb chat the other day and said he had no one to go one his trip with. I feel a little bad because I was supposed to go on those trips with him. But then I remember I'm going to London to see someone who will treat me right.

And, just out of curiosity, will you be continuing the blog with updates post-London?
I plan on blogging from the plane (if I decide to splurge to pay for Wi-Fi), and from the airport. Probably just typing through an anxiety attack or two. I want to blog from London, but I don't want to take any time away from Cayden, because I'll only be with him for four days. But I can tweet while I'm there, because that doesn't take much time. I'll try to write a quick post here and there while he's in the shower. As far as post-London, I haven't thought about that yet. I doubt any of you would be interested in hearing about my day-to-day life, so I guess we'll just see what happens! But I'll definitely blog all about my London trip when I get back.

From Danielle, NYC
Do you have any expectations about London?
I'm trying to go with no expectations. Unless you count the leopard-print bra and panty set I just bought or the brazilian wax I just tortured myself with. You know, just in case.

Let's ask Cayden to tell HIS version of how you met! What did he think when you smacked him in the butt?
From Cayden, "Firstly, in my defense, she did attack me from behind when I was off guard :) OK, well we (Drew and Topher) were in this bar that we'd been to a few times on our trip. We enjoyed the music, atmosphere and I really liked the way the bar was laid out, with comfy sofas and chairs which kind of had a Victorian English feel to it. We'd been in there a while, had a scout around to see what girls were hanging about, and we thought we'd probably head off to find some other place if it didn't pick up. Anyway, Whitney and I kind of made eye contact briefly and she just had this mischievous look about her. I thought, I'm going to talk to her in a little while. Anyway, a little while after she beat me to it and KICKED me. This is not an instruction to girls to go out there kicking guy's asses or anything...but it showed she didn't take herself too serious and could have a laugh, something which I really like in a girl. So I turned around, I think she blamed her poor friend for the viscious assault that took place (OK, so it wasn't too viscious but I need to make it sound like it was for any guys reading this). After that, we got talking for a little bit and then after a picture or two, her friends demanded that we kiss (hence the picture at the top of the blog). That's kind of how it went really from my perspective."
(That "poor friend" he mentioned, was YOU Danielle!)

How does Brady feel about all this? You guys were never really anything but friends with benefits, right? So does he get to stay in the picture?
From Brady: "I am excited for Whitney! She is one of my really good friends and hope everything works out for her and Cayden."
From me: We've only been friends with benefits and best friends. And he gets to stay in the picture as my best friend :) He's actually in a relationship (as of yesterday) with a beautiful girl who I hope treats him right, or I'll have to kick her ass.

Austin/Dallas, Texas
Would you consider moving to England to make it work if Cayden couldn't land a job immediately?
Well, after this trip I'll be able to answer this one more assuredly. His biggest fear is that I'm going to fall in love with London and want to move there forever, because he is moving to the states if it kills him. I hate the cold and the rain, so something tells me I'm not going to fall in love with London. That, and I have the greatest job in the world right now. I'm not ready to give that up anytime soon. Sorry I don't have a better answer to that one!

Are you and Brady still good friends and have you told him how you feel about Cayden truly?
Brady is still one of my best friends, and yes, he knows all about Cayden. He listens to me ramble on and on about him. I hope one day they can meet, or would that be weird?

Are you happy you started talking to Cayden again? Because I dont know if I would've talked to him again. I would feel too heart broken.
I'm VERY happy we started talking again. I was completely crushed when he ended it, but when I went back and reread his email, I knew he was doing what was best for us at the time. The email was completely logical. If he hadn't have ended it, he would have been too distracted by me to get his MBA and get everything lined up to move to the states. Also, I wouldn't have met Addam. I have no regrets with Addam. When I ended things with Addam, I realized, in a way, I was in Cayden's position. It was up to me if Addam and I did long-distance, and I realized he wasn't in a place to be in a relationship so I ended it. Cayden wasn't ready for a relationship either, so he ended it. Things came full circle, and then I understood how hard it was for Cayden to make the decision he did back in September.

Knowing how you felt when he told you he didn't think it was going to work out, are you glad that it turned out the way it did or would you change it if you could?
I have no regrets. Yeah, heartbreak sucks, but falling for someone is pretty much worth it.

Isn't it hard to sleep with Brady when you are so infatuated with Cayden, especially after Cayden started talking about seeing you more? Or is the sex more disconnected from feelings?
Great question! When Brady and I started sleeping together, it was before Cayden and I were back to talking all the time. I was dealing with the fact that Cayden and I wouldn't be together and trying to move on knowing that. So I was able to shut off the part of me that was infatuated with Cayden as a coping mechanism. Sure, I still thought about him all the time, but it didn't interfere when I was in bed with Brady. And with Brady, the sex was really fun and casual, so luckily for both of us it was no-strings-attached. But now that Cayden and I are talking all the time again, that part of me isn't shut off anymore. So I haven't slept with Brady for two months.

Norman, OK
Okay, so, you'll be gone for how long?
Five nights, four days, which probably will either be too long or not enough time, depending on how things go.

And are you prepared just in case there's disappointment? (playing the Mommy card here) But I'm glad you're going because living every moment with "what if" and "if onlys" is not a happy existence. Believe me, I know...
Cayden and I have talked about this. We're trying not to get our hopes up, and we're promising to be very honest with each other, but more importantly, with ourselves. At the end of our trip we'll decide if we're going to "give it a go." Worst case scenario, one of us wants to and the other one doesn't. If I get there, and that spark is gone for whatever reason, we've formed such a close friendship I think we'll be fine with just being bas-ass penpals. I can tell you right now that he's someone that will be a part of my life forever, in what regards, I can't say. I think we'll know as soon as we see each other again, right when I get off the plane. If that same spark we felt in NYC is there, for both of us, I dont' see why we wouldn't give it a go. But luckily I know I have a HUGE support group back here if it doesn't work out and I have a hard time dealing with it.

Whitney (not me)
First of all, what happened with Jon after you met Cayden? Was it just one of those things that fell by the wayside?
Jon and I continued to see each other every now and then, but as soon as I got the job offer in Texas, we really fizzled out. I'm pretty sure he thinks it's because of the move, not because of my feeling for Cayden. We still talk now and then on FB chat (what would I do without that thing?) but I don't think either of us have any leftover feelings for each other.

Also, are you still seeing Brady? Or did you decide to put that on hiatus until you saw Cayden and decided how that was going to go?
See above answers.

Why do you choose not to show anyone's faces?? To keep it anonymous?? Mysterious??
Keepin the mystery alive :) Also, when I read a book, I picture the characters in my head and I imagine them the way I want to. So I'm usually disappointed when a book becomes a movie because the actors don't look anything like I'd imagined. So feel free to picture us any way you'd like!

OK, that's all of them so far! Feel free to send more and I'll try to get to them tonight or tomorrow. Now I need to go pack! It's going to be rainy and cold and sunny and warm. How the hell am I supposed to pack for that!? I'm trying to see if I can fit it all in a carry-on. I should win an award if I manage that.


  1. You rock! I'm so excited for you both! Have a great time, get some good sleep on the plane and don't forget your toothbrush, phone charger and whatever other frequently forgotten items. Love you and I wish you a fairytale ending! You're a beautiful person in and out and I've so enjoyed getting to know you via your story. Thanks for the great writing!

    :D liz

  2. Maybe some of Cayden's available friends could come out to St. Louis sometime!

  3. Whitney,
    I was able to squeeze both mine and my husband's clothes in a middle sized suitcase for our five day trip to Barbados. You can totally squeeze all of your stuff in a carry-on. (;
    I can't wait to read more blogs from you.