23. Karma (NSFW)

When I say "we didn't," it's not because I didn't want to.
We were both naked and buzzed and ready to go.
I was on top of him, and we were teasing each other, rubbing up against each other while we kissed.
If it went on like that much longer I was going to pass out from anticipation.
Finally, he rolled me over and hovered on top of me.
This was it. I was finally going to have sex with Brady after four years of wanting to.

"Ummm, I don't have a condom."

"Seriously? Seriously?"

I'd never heard those words out of a man's mouth before. He was a 25-year-old male living alone, how could it be possibly he didn't have one condom in his bachelor pad? Then I remembered I had one in my purse. Christian had a bowl of condoms on his coffee table at his place in NYC, and he told me to take the XL Magnum condom, because I was the most likely to need it. OK, OK, so I loved me some black men. I'd pocketed the condom as a joke. Brady knew about my history with black men, so announcing that I had a giant condom in my purse probably would have killed the mood.

"This is karma isn't it?" I laughed. "This is for every time I've told a guy 'no' in the past, isn't it? Oh, this is too good."

I found the whole thing very amusing. I had turned down so many guys in the past. I wasn't waiting for marriage or waiting for the perfect moment with the perfect person. I never had an ideal scene of how I wanted to lose it. I just wanted it to be with someone who cared about me, someone I wouldn't regret it with. That's why Brady and I hadn't done it before (well, that, and the painful preview). I knew he was leaving after that semester, so I didn't want to start having sex with him and then poof, he's gone. Also, I'm a very sexual person, so I knew once I got a taste of it, I was going to turn into a teenage boy. So I wanted to make sure I had a guy locked down to take that out on, otherwise I was just going to sleep with the next guy I could find once Brady left. I would have lost it to Casey because I cared about him, he cared about me, and I thought I loved him. But he was sleeping with other girls, and I don't share. So, that's why I waited until Will, at the age of 22. And I'm proud to say I have no regrets.
I stopped laughing when Brady started kissing my chest, then closed his teeth down around my nipple. I braced myself for pain, but it didn't come. Brady was a biter, but he knew how to keep it on the verge of pleasure and pain. He loved to bite my shoulder, my back, my boobs. He loved being bitten, too. It was fun to bite him because his muscles gave me something to sink my teeth into. One hand was next to my side, holding him up while the other was pressed against my lower stomach. His tricep on the arm holding him up was bulging and perfectly defined. I squeezed it hard with one hand and put my other hand on the back of his neck as he kissed my chest. The hand on my stomach moved lower, and suddenly I remembered why I used to say he had magic fingers.

---

That was the first time Brady "didn't have a condom," but it wasn't the last. The second time I knew it was an excuse, but didn't accuse him of such. The third, I threw up my hands in defeat.

"What's the point of being my friend with benefits if you only offer limited benefits?"
He hesitated. Then decided to open up.
"Well, the thing is, it's been a while."
"How long is a while?"
I knew Rae had decided midway through their relationship that she wanted to wait until marriage, try the whole born-again virgin thing. And even before that, they only did it every once in a while, and she'd regret it afterward, then he'd feel bad. I guess after a couple years of feeling that way, you start to have a negative stance toward sex, which I'll never understand because it's completely natural, and you'll only drive yourself bat-shit crazy trying to withhold.
"Years."
My jaw dropped before I could stop it.

This was definitely karma, bitch-slapping me in the face.